Obligation

Main Entry: ob·li·ga·tion
Pronunciation: \ˌä-blə-ˈgā-shən\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1: the action of obligating oneself to a course of action (as by a promise or vow)
2 a: something (as a formal contract, a promise, or the demands of conscience or custom) that obligates one to a course of action
b: a debt security (as a mortgage or corporate bond)
c: a commitment (as by a government) to pay a particular sum of money ; also : an amount owed under such an obligation
3 a: a condition or feeling of being obligated b: a debt of gratitude
4: something one is bound to do : duty, responsibility

I have said that in times I never truly do things out of wanting to do things. Like in example someone will say "let's hang out" and I'm like "sure" but I don't think I hang out because I want to but because someone asked me to. Does that make sense? There always seems to be some underlining purpose underneath it all. At least to me. I think that might stem from the fact that I don't trust a lot of people, and I feel that they feel the same as well. Then I get all butt hurt on the fact that people don't feel the same way that I do. Tho my opinions are quite loftly. Must be because I'm the thin the best of everyone.

In this manner of thinking, it comes down to hoping that people won't let me down. In this way by thinking I'm "obligated" to make an appearance, will keep myself accountable. Some people have asked me that if I have ever enjoyed the presence of another by the sure presence. I'm not sure I have... Sure I like to hang around so-and-so because they make me smile or listen to my stories, or it's something we can vent about. Then eventually the meeting are habitual and then they become unintended because it's programmed into your existence.

Think that is how I view school... until I get disinterested of course. I'm obligated to go.. do I want to go? no... do I like to go... no. So why go? Because...

Because...

Sigh what a sad way of life.

Imported from http://willischinn.blogspot.com/

Old dogs... new tricks...

Thats what I felt like on Saturday celebrating Brandon's 4th birthday. It was fun tho. Granted waking up before 8 on a weekend is not the highlight of my life. So we were to go get up get packed and ship over to San Ramon where my sister rented out this play area for B-boy. There was a blow up slide, lil vehicle area with balls, a jumper thing with 2 scaryhumgous monkeys, and a rock climbing area, add some air hockey cake and tons (about 15-20) kids.

So we were all waiting for everyone to show up and Brandon is already screaming like a little girl on the slide. He LOVES slides hehe. Annie, Ella and myself stopped by McD's for some breakfast, which to tell you the truth I have never eaten breakfast there so I was like... uh early... huh? Settled for an Egg McMuffin. Last time ever for that.

Basically I climbed the wall, and it was all good. Hurt every muscle I never knew in the process of course. Then with the ball area we just started pelting them at the adults and thus came to an all out war. So me being how I am dove for a ball like I was in highschool volleyball. And promptly injured my already fragile shoulder. (I broke the ball of the socket in freshman year of HS due to failing on a kick during team practice) Much to say I didn't rehab it well but i'm still able to use it. Was fine and dandy, I let it rest. Then Dodgeball started up again and once again I threw it out. Sigh I need to stop doing this.

So eventually I will have to step into a gym and do some rehab for this shoulder, like 2 lbs to get it to working condition. So yeah... old dogs... yup we don't learn new tricks, we just keep doing the same ones and failing.

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11/4/09 Wonderments and whatevershinanigans

So what to talk about whilst I waste my time and this computer seat at the DVC computer lab. Hmm...

IMPORTANT!
1. I tried cheapening my drinks at SB. Went with that whole drip thing. It caused me depression lol most of which I cannot afford my $5 drinks anymore. I think I went in between both the cheap and the regular and had a Caramel Americano with room. Not too bad but not too great. $2.50 isn't a bad price.... right... RIGHT!!!!

2. Went to church on the weekend, it was really good. It's still speaking to me

3. Finished this finally. It kind of went in line with everything. Made me think about things in the long run. Almost comical as the next series I'm reading, due to Ray's daughter giving it to me to read.

4. Started reading this book, which to be honest is not something I would originally pick up. I got the book from Ray because his daughter was interested in it/picked it. So started reading it and it is a mix of... Left Behind, Lord of the Flies, and iunno pick some random Marvel thing with projectiles shooting out of their hands.

5. Randomly started watching this to pass the time and also to fill the space because the studying from last week basically killed all inclination and motivation from my body. (least i think i did well...) The interesting thing about this was that it was exactly what my heart and mind were saying. Almost sad in a way. TBC in another post.

Imported from http://willischinn.blogspot.com/

Hope

So around 9:45pm 8/29/09 I wanted to escape from the mundane farmville postings and etc facebook games. Granted I finally cleared my inbox, ugh it's like taking one day off from work: Your email is full and you need to get rid of your inbox.

Anyways off I go tromping into my favorite Starbucks North Main and Treat. I get greeted by John whom I'm an acquaintance through Sarah and Toni. He ask's where've I been, as if we talk often, but i'm a sucker so I enjoyed it. I responded poor and made him crack up. He treated me today which was incredibly nice of him.

I took my seat facing the outside windows but in front of the "cushy" chairs. One of the chairs was a woman sitting with a lime skin colored shirt and jeans. She commented on the music and I responded that it's different today being of a Salsa/African environment instead of the usual Classical/Jazz. (I suppose this was the time to put on my ipod but... i didn't heh woe it me.) She then started (i'll use this term loosely) dancing to the music. I was nice and smiled, because if you grin you are egging her on and if you smirk you are asking for alot of conversation. I must have smirked. Sigh.

She asked my opinion on this shell bracelet with black little beads on it. Which way should it face, solid shell out or with the insides of the shells facing out. I, being neutral, said it depended on your outfit but today I'd go shell out... and sigh forgive me for having a dang fashion sense >< She at that point felt the need to introduce herself fully but without giving a name. I was wondering if she was drunk at any point or was just totally eclectic. It was the latter.

She had quite a story to not tell because I think she wanted to spare me, which I was grateful for. Eventually her friend showed up with some mascara from walgreens nearby. I attempted to look busy but... yeah to no avail. Lucky for me they wanted to go outside and enjoy the summer skies, which I agreed.

That leads me to my topic of discussion today: Hope. I want to believe that I can draw hope for people. It was wierd just having this divine appointment ready for me to infuse a sense of hope into some people, regardless of how strange and how odd. I don't think I fully did the job but tonights event made me realize that life is too short and that if you think you got it bad... someone else has always got it worse. What do you do? You hope. You hope for what is to come. If you already have hoped, then you believe. You believe in that hope and you believe in yourself.

I feel that everything I'm going through this season is for a distinct reason. I mentioned to my friend today that it was the funeral of my ex-brother in law (the formal title i suppose.) Lady overheard and talked more to me about life, and in turn her's. She said one thing to me... That I am a great uncle. That was odd to me, especially as someone I just met. It also could be for the fact I'm too trusting but when she said that... she wasn't just being polite... she meant it. That's the crazy part.

Hope. Let's all hope... together.

Is it time to breathe yet?

Well my 1st week of DVC comes to an end. I still have no time to breathe. With Karen coming over Monday, Bryan passing later that night, mourning on tuesday, Robin and his car problems, back to school on wednesday, freaking out about that sociology class that could inevitably become a bad bad super wow nuclear explosion bad thing, trying to remember how to read sheet music in a choir setting, looking for that last unit, my dog's incessant barking, committee planning, social life planning, worship team practice, last night starbucks. I'm totally done!!!

The sad part is that tho i wish and can go to sleep whenever I want, i'm never going to be rested. Throw in my mental stasis and you go yourself a crash and burn movie flick, multi genre at least. i don't usually draw blanks when writing. I can't think of a thing. but yea... it's been a long long week.

R.I.P Bryan Soo

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=119307014547&ref=nf

Monday night was fun we just finished up with our friend Karen, from HK, also my ex. whatever =\ We are all settling down for the night. Brandon is getting read to, both my sisters and I are in our separate rooms probably fiddling on Facebook and getting the bed ready for our sleep.

Not sure what happened about the time. I was getting a call from Robin, I think about the accident he almost had, and how crazy it was. Then I got another call from Heather, about something... not that i don't remember i'm not supposed to say heh. At the same time my sister got a phone call too. That's when we heard.

Although our families are separated now, he still feels like that older brother to me. In some ways he reminds me of Panda from Kung Fu Panda but less voracious eating and more polite heh. Geez... the club events that we all shouldn't have done. The birthday outing he went to for my 21st. How he took care of me like a brother. The trip to Hawaii. His chuckle. Wow just Hawaii was a billion of memories. When we shared the condo. Lol he actually ate some of my food sometimes! Now thats scary. I remember when my cousin Robert turned of age and we went to this outside bar/lounge. Joce had this wierd fur tube top where she couldn't use her hands. Robin, Thao, Stef were there and of course Thao wasn't drinking at that time so I took her shot lol.

Bryan was just that: A brother. A Friend. A Gentle Giant. A Father. The nicest guy you ever met. The biggest clown you've ever seen. I can see him monkeying around as I write this.

Thank you Bryan. For everything. I wish I had the chance to tell you that. You will be missed. I'll do my best to make sure Brandon is safe, and to tell him about you. I promise to show Brandon your quality of life. You've touched us all Bryan. Have a safe journey. We'll see each other again in God's court.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
Bible, Psalms 30:5

College part 5

so sad lol. So this is the 3rd time i'm returning to college at DVC (Diablo Valley College.) Joy to be with pretentous 18 year olds who think they know everything. I think I might just not talk and life would be so much easier... too bad that isn't how i roll. ah well

I'm going to be studying this semester and hopefully from now on, sociology. I have this disease... it's called "i gotta know!" and it's closely related cousin disease "how can I help!" I always have this knack of getting myself into messes and frankly i should probably stop. But i can't it's like an addiction. yes another addiction for willis woo... least i'm not in denial eh?

To catch you up on my college history. (this is most humorous) I started off doing tha regular asian-esque fulfillment college major of business. Who knew after 6 classes of accounting that... well... i kind of suck at it. I guess I didn't realize that repeating BUSAC 186 3x and BUSAC187 3x... hmm should I keep trying? hah. NO!

I then went to music because I was studying some music theory at the same time and it was a good time to change majors. I "had to help" other people (inward eyeroll) and neglected my own project and homework. I did well in the class if I ever remembered to turn in my work. "Bleh, Sorry Owen yeah I still owe you heh."

From there, I went to Broadcasting. This was around the same time I learned that Asian Pop Music ROCKED! this was probably 2003 or something. I was also streaming from my own house my radio station that I worked for... maybe about a month and never got paid for it. It was good practice. It was hecka fun too and I met some awesome people who I still have on my AIM and I don't remember who they are. ><

I transferred to SFSU with broadcasting and did horrible lol. I can blame my WoW addiction for that. I then went to work for a few years after that. Clerical at some banks and etc. Eventually I ended up working for the Contra Costa District Attorney's as a temp. I thenk became in tune with my "libra-tic" tendencies of justice and whatever it was at the time and I think this was when the CSI and Law & Order blew up and EVERYONE wanted to get a piece of the action. I was a sucker as well.

Went back to DVC for undergrad requirements and quickly transferred to Sac State with an idea for Criminal Justice. That went pretty well for the first semester. Did moderately mediocre. 2nd semester was a doozie... we'll just leave it at that.

And here I am moved back home from Sac. Seems that I was totally homesick for the environment here. It's hard to live in an area for so long and be adapted to it's surroundings. I can't get used to not having the soothing ocean nearby, or my favorite starbucks (when it USED to be 24 hours) chatting with friends, the nearby parks to walk thru, the swings to swing on when thinking, my new church family, my real family, my dog, my friends... Totally blessed to be back home to start hopefully the final chapter of this college thing.

so...

UGH DVC STARTS AGAIN

Travelling

So I met up with my friends Sarah and Joel at starbucks. We caught up because I just moved back home from Sacramento and they just moved down to Merced. Yea... talk about timing. At the same time she also took a trip to Nicaragua. We went thru the logistics about how the trip was and etc and both came to the same conclusion: How do you plan to do something like this?!

My mindset cannot comprehend the "lets go take a trip to here at this time" and actually follow-thru with it. It's insane! At least for me.

SO! I'm going to try and do something like that. Not quite sure how to start hehe. I was told that you just pick a place and then look at airfare and plan the trip around it. I think it'll be quite hard having no solidified income. If you guys got any ideas or experiences feel free and let me know!!

Unbalanced

Basically that's what I am... especially for a Libra sign to be unbalanced is not a good thing. I'm sure it is because I'm finally letting go of the addiction of 'World of Warcraft(tm)'. It has been a 4 year journey with it's ups and it's downs. You're maybe thinking... "Are you kidding... over a stupid game" well sorry, like all things addictions are hard to deal with after you are done. To imagine, it has been 4 years, 10 characters average playtime per character was about 75days (as a full 24hours = 1 day) That was alot of committment put into one venue.

Due to financial issues, since moving back home in the beginning of June, I had to unwillingly let go of this link to anonymous global interaction. Since this last Monday, the 3rd of August I had to cancel my account. Technically if I want to conserve my character history I should reinact the account 6 months later or something. The true test will be whether I can do that or not.

This last week has been quite draining. I had no idea how to re-live life after not being stuck to a computer for at least 16 hours per day. I was still sitting in front of a computer but not intellectually interacting just merely watching and reading. I did ALOT of Facebook, watched many episodes of anime (Saint Seiya/Bleach) and read thru Harry Potter 6 & 7, the whole Thorn St. Criox series written by Faith Hunter, and now I'm starting Breaking Dawn again because I'm running out of things to read. I've slept numerous hours and still am not quite rested. Mostly because I usually only get 3-4 hours per night of sleep whilst playing WoW since I was playing with my Aussie friends. It was fun for me, we had good laughs and good times.

I'm told that I'm a people person. It didn't hit me how interaction with people is a necessity in my life. WoW did that, although I wasn't talking to people face to face, I was constantly talking to someone. Now... I have no avenue for that. This last week has been filled with bonfires, going back to nature, taking walks in the parks, coffee most definately, and people watching.

I've posted alot of items via status updates hinting about my stability mentally. Well here is the blog post hehe that I needed to communicate. Next week school will be starting and I'm hoping to get my life back on track. Find my hobbies, find my loves, find myself...most importantly find my self value. We'll see how this will go. Got some other things to talk about... but yeah...

/Salute

AHoD - Entry 4

Recently I watched a movie called “I Love you Man” with Paul Rudd as the main actor. It was a very humorous movie about my life. Granted I am creative enough to make every movie I see capable to relate to myself. Literally this movie hits me a lot because… well the idea of the movie is that this guy is engaged with his fiancé and she brings up the fact he doesn’t have any guy friends in which to play the part of his wedding party. So he goes on “man-dates” in which to meet new people. Some are bad, some are worse.
I’m actually in this predicament as well. I get along well with the ladies, I can also get along with guys too don’t get me wrong. After watching this movie…I asked myself… “who would your wedding party consist of?” Well for one thing I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon if ever, and will highly doubt I’ll ever have to come to this decision, however I decided to humor myself. (I humor myself. LOL as if I had MPD… do I? No you don’t. Thanks!)
I went through my list of guy friends in which to ask if they would want to be in my wedding party. I came to realize that none of my guy friends I would trust to take up that role, especially as best man. I smile because I have expertly finagled that.

AHoD - Entry 3

It’s always interesting hearing others with their romantic problems. Somehow I always am the right person to talk to about these things. Granted I’ve never had this sort of experience people warrant my advice to be useful. Some days I wonder whether the empirical “Do what you preach” sign will hit me.
I’ve always been the confidant of all my friends and associates for their troubled love lives. Whether misguided, confused or eclectic occurrences I somehow have an insight. I have this inexplicable methodology in which to talk to people without actually talking. It’s humorous on my side. I play to my strengths as a passive aggressive person and always manage to save myself from a confrontation in which I emerge not as a victor but at least unscathed.
I will ask interesting questions in which the person I’m talking to will answer because it is me, but at the same time I’m asking the questions that their heart wants to ask. In other words I can emulate the heart of my subjects… if I am in accordance to their predicament.

I also have a knack of deterring even the most suitable suitors. I don’t honestly think it is me, yet the circumstances surrounding each occasion are delightfully humorous. I recall with one of my best if not good friends from my junior college days. Granted I’m still IN my junior college days but that is another lengthily story in which to cover later. Almost every time she starts dating a new guy, I get introduced and a couple of weeks later she is single. I don’t delight in her single-ness but it is another weapon in which I armed myself with. She wants her new “associate” to meet her friends, for safety and just so we can get a glimpse of them as well. I’m surmising that they are not accustomed to our crazy brother/sister relationship and the ability to finish each other’s thoughts and sentences. Also the amount of inside jokes are questionable as to if they are really jokes. However I seem to do that with all my friends which happen to be girls. I think I’m just the boy repellant. BR… that’s the acronym for bathroom… wonderful.

AHoD - Entry 2

About two years ago come July 7th, I was invited to Church by my friend Judy after a five year “hiatus” we’ll call it. My other friend Robin invited her to this church, as well as myself but I said “I wasn’t ready.” Judy knows how to deal with me. She uprights goes to my house and picks me up ready or not. I still grumble at the fact she knows me so well.
Anyways…I go to church and the moment I step in and hear the music I know that I’m home. Everything is so inviting. The funny thing is, is that the Pastor asked who was a first timer at this church. Of course me being the “loud and proud” type of exhibitionist back then, (no I’m not into THAT tisk tisk) stood up and raised my hand. Self humility and self humiliation are two different things. I do both things well.
On the note of self humiliation, the Pastor said “Welcome, here is a gift!” and promptly threw a book at me. I’m kind of uncoordinated in sports and the only sport I really played was volleyball. My first reaction was to “bump” the book back but that would be inappropriate. I think I let it hit me or something. This book was . I flipped through the pages just to get a gist of the story line. The first line talked about Starbucks, a place I like to call home. I knew instantly this book was for me. I had a wonderful time at church, went home and went to investigate the book further.
As I was reading this book, I was more excited and giddy than I have ever felt in a long time. I was still coming down from my spiritual high from church. Then I hit the wall. This book started talking about love. Exasperated I set the book down for a few moments, looked up and sighed. Maybe it won’t be that bad. So I went back into the book again. The author separated the book into three parts. I jumped to the second part.

Blah blah blah blah about the book what it did to my outlook on life etc etc etc blah blah blah yada yada yada

AHoD - Entry 1

“Why are you so stubborn?”
“When I was your age…”
“Why can’t you be more like…?”
“Why don’t you go and move out if you hate it so much.”

They finally said it. “Why don’t you go move out.” Seriously. Why don’t I go move out. It’s not like I’m wanted here. I definitely don’t want to be here. Why am I still here? I’m not appreciated, and I’m definitely not loved.
Love. There’s that word again. Love. It’s not even Valentine’s Day. What does love even mean? Raised in a family where hugs and kisses are almost considered obscene; love is just that…an obscenity. Love is a tool for heartbreak. Or at least so tells the soap operas or the real life versions I’ve witnessed from my friends and their “wonderful” relationships. I’ve seen so many people toss the word around, but to me it means so much more and yet so much less.
I remember once upon a time, I had a relationship. I know. I never intended this story to be for comedic relief but… ok you can stop laughing now. STOP. Anyways, I remember that she was lying on my shoulder one sadly depressing instance in my room. Not even sure what I was doing at the time but she said to me, “I love you.” And I said… “Ok…” I know it isn’t the best thing to say but… I was caught off guard. Honestly, we weren’t even dating for a long time. The whole occurrence was about two months of “courting” and two months of actual dating. You are nineteen, what could you possibly know about love. I should have been asking that question to myself at the time. Something to note “fellas,” when a lady says “I love you,” you are supposed to say “I love you too.” It’s customary and beneficial for your survival. Otherwise Neosporin is fated in your near future though as men we note and understand duct tape is our best friend.
The thing is I don’t know anything about love. My father and mother taught me respect, honor, chivalry, and to treat others how you wish to be treated. Those were the tools in which were applicable and a step towards being successful. Everything I learned in my childhood life had its reason for being taught. Love unfortunately was left on the back burner.Sure I had a loving family and all. Well it is dependent on what your idea of love is. We supported each other through thick and thin. When someone was in trouble we were always there to help. The thing about it I think I was acting on sole obligation than for a feeling of love. Being told that you are supposed to be there for your sisters became something I was just programmed to do.

AHoD - Intro

“Man cannot live on bread alone” Nothing could be truer. Anatomy suggests that our body has natural needs of a combination of food, considered to be the bread, as well as fluids. However we also need such things as the energy of the sun in which to chemically increase our intake of nutrients via photosynthesis and with the mitochondria… who am I kidding I’m no science nut. I’m frankly not even sure I passed my high school Biology class. The end of the matter is that we as human beings need more than just food and water. We need love.
This is a story of an individual, mainly me, and my own personal journey through this wild ride known as life. I could sit and spit statistics at you but I’m sure I lost you by the pseudo-biology comments above. I’ll try another tactic.
The night was heavy with musk and scents of blood which only refueled his hunger further. Silently, stealthily searching for a body to consume with his lust. He senses a shadow nearby and his teeth salivate…
Did I get you back? Good. Evidently my life isn’t as commonplace as I would have suggested a couple of years ago. Then again one of my major quotes in life is “You don’t like me because I’m normal.” What I would do for a normal life.

A "New" me?

So I spent last week thinking about changing my looks and crap. (I have to sit and giggle at myself) I talked to my friend Robin who is sporting the whole "frohawk" which I know for a fact I can't do.  Somehow the conversation tangented to Adam Lambert. I remember only seeing this guy during the tryouts for California. And I almost had hair similiar to this. So I was like... why not take a chance. 

So I started looking around for "emo" or "punk" or "rocker" styles. I mostly ended up with ALOT of tests of "Would you date a rocker/emo guy?" blah blah blah. I was kinda over it. I think I was really over the skinny pants. I'm "moderately" (ahem) skinny so I don't think that wearing skinny pants would do anything for me except... make me even skinnier. Cause I always wanted to go through life hyper-anorexic or looking close to it.

I looked some more and thought around and I took this test on Facebook. Which I'm sure you guys saw. It was the SocialLiving application where it was to choose 5 things on a topic that relate to you.

 

Not really a quiz but... w/e it was a time waster right? So I picked the 5 celebrities born on your birthday. 

Hey lookie I was born on the same day as Superman. And his hair looks kinda cool. Time to zoom in. Not too shabby. I think I can sport that hairstyle. Well attempt anyways. So I got my hair trimmed and textured so that when it grows out "hopefully" it'll look something similiar. Still gotta go for the rest of my looks. But thats for another day. =) 

Strengths Finder 2.0

(taken verbatim from the book sleeve of this book)

Do you have the opportunity to do what you do best every day?

Chances are, you don't. All too often, our natural talents go untapped. From the cradle to the cubicle, we devote more time to fixing our shortcomings than to developing our strengths.

To help people uncover their talents, Gallup introduced the first version of its online assessment, StrengthsFinder, in the 2001 management book Now, Discover Your Strengths. The book spent more than five years on the bestseller lists and ignited a global conversation, while StrengthsFinder helped millions to discover their Top 5 talents.

I was compelled to take this test because my church hosted a seminar of this topic last weekend. I headed down from Sacramento in the morning instead of my usual Friday night. I didn't catch this seminar to my dismay but my Pastor who was leading worship practice that day went and he was on fire.

I really wanted to do this assessment. Curiously. I have already done with my counselor at Sac State several assessments already. Who would have known that the answer to some of my inquisitiveness related to the results of this test. Unfortunately I was unable to get the book when I wanted to as I'm only getting paid on the 30th of each month. My mother gave me and advance, so I was able to pick it up on Tuesday.

Herein are my top 5 themes:

Futuristic
People who are especially talented in the Futuristic theme are inspired by the future and what could be. They inspire others with their visions of the future.

Input
People who are especially talented in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.

Belief
People who are especially talented in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.

Intellection
People who are especially talented in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.

Empathy
People who are especially talented in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situations.

I spent the rest of this week reading about each type of theme and finding things I was supposed to do. I'm not sure if I totally agree with everything but it does sound like me. Time to break it down from my point of view:

Futuristic: I was never one to think that far into the future. Then again I cannot go on daily life without a plan of what will be in store of me. Sometimes this can come across as thinking too much about the future. I also see this as a motivator capacity. With having insight towards the future and seeing the possibilities of how things can/should happen I should be a dreamer. Actually I don't really dream. It's kind of funny.

Input: Input relates to information. I have always had some inkering to know more about everything. Once my attention is drawn however. If it relates to my own personal ideals then I will focus on that theme. However my focus is limited as I'm finding out. This semester is a prime example because of the thought of finding out more of myself through assessments, friends' opinions, self thought... It's almost an obsession. Also I believe my packratiness comes from this as well hehe

Belief: This shows my unchanging values. One thing I have to thank my parents for. I am very strong in my beliefs regardless of whom I know associates with a particular belief I don't stand by. I will respect those of different ideals yet based on myself I won't falter from my own set of ideals. Some may call this stubborness. I'm happy to know that I carry within myself a strong support and those that meet me or associate themselves with me will feel my set of beliefs and it will either catalize them or deter them.

Intellection: I knew I was an intellectual from the beginning. The funny thing about this, is that I'm the laziness intellectual person ever. If given a chance to debate a topic, I will not go empty handed. I do have this childlike curiosity to know and understand the things around me. Reading helps in this department too, and for myself I believe writing has a gigantic impact on my intellection. Mostly because my greatest fan is a piece of paper. =)

Empathy: I knew this would pop up one way or another. I am beginning to realize my ability to empathisize with others more and more as this semester goes by. It kind of goes with the counseling conversations I have with others. I can feel how things will happen and if something is not right. Unfortunately I lack the ability to intervene which is one task this book has challenged me.

Overall I enjoyed this assessment of myself and will not hesitate for those readers who are curious of their place in life, feel like they are stuck doing something they don't want to do, feel like they are settling too soon for their own good, want to see a change I highly suggest this book. It will change you and make you realize your potential. It's true that society has this innate ability to make us feel unworthy or incapable because of our weaknesses in life. The backbone of this book is to not focus on your weaknesses but to realize your strengths. Not saying you should run from every challenge but to understand where your shortcomings are. Try it. You may be changed. I know I am

The Beginning of the End

So I resurrected my blog here on blogspot. The last time I touched this was back in 2004. I used to have this blog to complain about the days events and what not. I think I still have a livejournal with all of those as well. This will probably be a "lets catch up" entry because there has been alot of stuff occurring.

For one thing, this blog used to contain songs and/or poems that I wrote when I was a "wee lad" heh. I took those this morning and exported them in xml format to my harddrive and I hope that it'll stay there. Tho everytime I look at them and want to vomit, it's still nice to have on hand in case my vomiting gets under control and I can actually do something with them.

I've been challenged recently to write more. More like in February. That was a pivitol month for me. I came to realize my calling was not where I thought it was. Then again that is life. I started writing a book about myself. It somehow turned into a comedy. Then again thats me lol. It was my story because there are alot of you that don't know it. Hell, I didn't know it when I started writing. Alas it is a forever work in progress. I'll get back into it. I hope. Maybe this blogspot will help.

I realized that there are some major tidbits I was missing from my life and basically been a walking emptyness devoid of emotion and feeling. There wasn't a real sense of excitement emanating from me. Just a cold fake presence. Thats what I projected. At least tried to not project but I think it came out eventually. There was no sense of joy fulfillment or steadfast self appreciation. 

It's hard to write this write now because of the new changes that have been occurring to me... BAH I'll make another post I suppose.

Here is the last few months in short: Met with a career counselor, Did the MBTI test, Strong Interest Inventory Test, an Exercise called "Be a Cat", and Holland's 6 themes. 

It has been good for me. I am starting to realize where I'm at and what I'm good for. The self appreciation is growing but there is still more to attain. Thanks for the read guys. I'll be writing alot more. (my blog is empty!!!)