this last weekend i was invited to my friend's 30th birthday party and we were partying it up like young kids at this trampoline play area for kids. Like there were trampolines all over the ground, there was dodgeball and a pit of foam. It was kinda of cool but at the same time not so very exciting. One reason was that... well lets start at the jumping.
So we start jumping when the alotted time begins, it was supposed to be at 7. we got there around 5 to mark the time and etc. so we start to jump around and in turn each one of us take up a square of trampolines, becaise well we are bigger than everyone there. there as about 10 squares that we took up. we aren't supposed to jump double to a square forsafety purposes. but geez it's not like i can control where i jump since i'm basically like a feather bouncing around with rubber on my ass.
So i jump around for a whopping 3 minutes and wow my feet went out on me. today was also the day that i bought new shoes so i was trying to break them in, but this was not a good method in which to break them in. pfft ya really. so.. i waI s asked to be the monkey that i am and use one of the trampoline on the side which was inclined at like iunno 25 degrees to help catapult or build up speed. In which case i did. i jumped onto the side and shot off it and couldn't stop until i reached the other side which was about 5-6 squares away and these squares are huge about 6 ft or so. I eventually came to grasp that i was too short to be able to land and jump per square so once that got thru my head life became a bit easier but not too much.
I promptly went to the sidelines because my feet could not take the pressure of being used that much and that way especially because my arches are very very capable to be irritated. i got jacked up feet what can i say. so i was sitting and watching from the sidelines which was kind of sad for me. but whatever not anything i could do for the moment.
so while watching all my friends jump around and have fun, i had the time to sit and think to myself. why wasn't i having as much fun as they were? what was limiting me and my fun? it's not like i was the oldest, my friend just turned 30. so i thought and i thought. and then i realized that i limited my fun because i had a lot to lose. i haven't had the most in shape body since high school, not even during high school was i even near the peak or i don't think i was ever at the peak of physical fitness. I had mini daydreams while everyone was jumping around and i was seeing myself doing those things, like doing round offs, somersaults, leaping off everywhere and having a grand old time. the thing aqbout it was that i wasn't doing any of it. that was the most annoying part of it all.
so while i was in my thinking thing, i found out that living my life scared about the what if's and what fors is a ridiculous way to live. and that annoyed me the most. it wasn't the fact that i couldn't do it, it was because i chose to not do it because i would have something to lose. what would i lose? thats the thing. nothing. i had nothing to lose but yet i still cut myself short in almost everything because of that dumb fear.
in essence... life is too short to live this way. and that realization was a reconcilation of my past and for my future. not to live life expecing a safe journey. life is a journey. and life is just the way you live it.
i say this now... but in the end... i am... scared...
off to start writing some for my nanowrimo.
